Reading My Blog May Be Hazardous To Your Health!
Posted on Sep 25th, 2006
by 
eBuzz
eBuzz
X-posted from an e-mail I sent to Delia.
I can't be held accountable for adverse side effects. It will be handy to have your current occupation (she works in a hospital) should you persist in reading my blog. Side effects may include:
Halitosis, Terminal Hangnail, Rectal-Cranial Inversion, Chronic Navel Lint, Achilles Elbow, Flop Sweat, Gutter Hips, Visceral Catharsis, Duct Tape, Boy Craziness, Knock Knees, Loch Ness Absess, Rectal itching, Stomach Mumps, Germinated Wheat, Hair Cancer, Receding Toe Nail, Myocardial Distension, Prolapsed Nipples, Inverted Forehead, Cerebral-Spinal Palpatations, Distemper, Feline Diabetes, Jello Mold, Oblique Nasal Charitotomy, Phlegm, Compromised Governor Exhaust O-rings, Pit Stains, Increased Ear Wax Excretion, Butt Wadding, Perineum Cramps, Hormone Calcification, Pins and Needles, Low Blinker Fluid, Nipple Rash, Gas, Duodenal Audibility, Multiphobic Genital Retention, Cooties, Spotting, Strained Beets, Parietal Stench, Increased CD Rotation, Diabolical Hernia, Hair Extensions, Crotch Crickets, Polypoloidal Dispepsia, Tantric Bloating, Mineral Water, Phundiscopic Hip Gyrations, Peet Moss, Corn Flakes, Existential Narcosis, Plaintiffs, Relaxed Bladder, Chronic Fatigue Wearing Syndrome, Clotted Urine, Conjugal Visits, Back Draft, Bloater Paste, Profuse Scabbing, Elongated Hyoidal Compaction, Eliptical Gametes, Serial Whining, Nasal Edema, Fondue, Armpit Cankers, Enemas, Episcopal Lacerations, Pituitary Salivation, Heart Worm, Crossed Occular Orbits, Adverse Mucosa Coagulations, Cranial Dislocation, I-pods, Foot Snot, Canned Heat, Worn Wiper Blades, Scapular Migraines, Oral-Pedal Digitism, Swamp Foot, Prolapsed Foreskin, Transgender Polination, Folicular Pontification, Dangling Participles, Miscarried Integers, Back Hair, Assteroids, Testicular Infarction, Faded Mammaries, Diverted Migratory Paths, Snake Oil, Buck Futter, Gluteal Pimpling, Esophageal Colonitis, Scrotal Palloping, Reticulated Transverse Indomitriosis, Hair Balls, Zyphoidal Hemmoraging, Monkey Bumps, Obtuse Prepositional Phrasing, Sternum Rickets, Pamperin, Heterosexual Venturi Combustion, Urethral Knotting, Acromio-Bicepital Conflagration, Corneal Spasms, Moth Balls, Effervescence, Ovarian Hiccups, Adrenal Nostril Encapsulation, Fallopian Warting, White Walls, Nocturnal Emissions, Spinal Tap, +10 To Hit Vorpel Farting, Compacted Roots, Invitrial Pulmonitis, Sagging Breasts, Stump Rot, Genital Hair Piece, Collapsed Drive Line, Arthritic U-joints, Medula Oblangatal Presupposition, Congenital Fluid Retention, Hog Warts, Tinctures, Retinal Scabbing, and Epidural Polygamy.
Otherwise read at your own risk!
E Buzz, when no other buzz will do.
I can't be held accountable for adverse side effects. It will be handy to have your current occupation (she works in a hospital) should you persist in reading my blog. Side effects may include:
Halitosis, Terminal Hangnail, Rectal-Cranial Inversion, Chronic Navel Lint, Achilles Elbow, Flop Sweat, Gutter Hips, Visceral Catharsis, Duct Tape, Boy Craziness, Knock Knees, Loch Ness Absess, Rectal itching, Stomach Mumps, Germinated Wheat, Hair Cancer, Receding Toe Nail, Myocardial Distension, Prolapsed Nipples, Inverted Forehead, Cerebral-Spinal Palpatations, Distemper, Feline Diabetes, Jello Mold, Oblique Nasal Charitotomy, Phlegm, Compromised Governor Exhaust O-rings, Pit Stains, Increased Ear Wax Excretion, Butt Wadding, Perineum Cramps, Hormone Calcification, Pins and Needles, Low Blinker Fluid, Nipple Rash, Gas, Duodenal Audibility, Multiphobic Genital Retention, Cooties, Spotting, Strained Beets, Parietal Stench, Increased CD Rotation, Diabolical Hernia, Hair Extensions, Crotch Crickets, Polypoloidal Dispepsia, Tantric Bloating, Mineral Water, Phundiscopic Hip Gyrations, Peet Moss, Corn Flakes, Existential Narcosis, Plaintiffs, Relaxed Bladder, Chronic Fatigue Wearing Syndrome, Clotted Urine, Conjugal Visits, Back Draft, Bloater Paste, Profuse Scabbing, Elongated Hyoidal Compaction, Eliptical Gametes, Serial Whining, Nasal Edema, Fondue, Armpit Cankers, Enemas, Episcopal Lacerations, Pituitary Salivation, Heart Worm, Crossed Occular Orbits, Adverse Mucosa Coagulations, Cranial Dislocation, I-pods, Foot Snot, Canned Heat, Worn Wiper Blades, Scapular Migraines, Oral-Pedal Digitism, Swamp Foot, Prolapsed Foreskin, Transgender Polination, Folicular Pontification, Dangling Participles, Miscarried Integers, Back Hair, Assteroids, Testicular Infarction, Faded Mammaries, Diverted Migratory Paths, Snake Oil, Buck Futter, Gluteal Pimpling, Esophageal Colonitis, Scrotal Palloping, Reticulated Transverse Indomitriosis, Hair Balls, Zyphoidal Hemmoraging, Monkey Bumps, Obtuse Prepositional Phrasing, Sternum Rickets, Pamperin, Heterosexual Venturi Combustion, Urethral Knotting, Acromio-Bicepital Conflagration, Corneal Spasms, Moth Balls, Effervescence, Ovarian Hiccups, Adrenal Nostril Encapsulation, Fallopian Warting, White Walls, Nocturnal Emissions, Spinal Tap, +10 To Hit Vorpel Farting, Compacted Roots, Invitrial Pulmonitis, Sagging Breasts, Stump Rot, Genital Hair Piece, Collapsed Drive Line, Arthritic U-joints, Medula Oblangatal Presupposition, Congenital Fluid Retention, Hog Warts, Tinctures, Retinal Scabbing, and Epidural Polygamy.
Otherwise read at your own risk!
E Buzz, when no other buzz will do.
Access: PublicTagged with: My blog, blogging, symptoms, humor, funny, comedy, laugh you @ss!, Zaadz, toxic mirth, E Buzz
blogging
June 2008 
Y’know… I think I heard that same disclaimer tacked onto the end of an aspirin commercial, or something like that.
Recent studies have also shown that reading your blog is contraindicated with wearing orange velvet pants, shopping for fresh produce and other sundry items at Super Walmart, eating cheezy fries with fried cheese logs, licking yourself in public, licking others in public, hiring multiple lawyers just because you can afford to, repeatedly listening to “We Built this City on Rock n’ Roll,” crying in your beer, crying in my lap, sticking to your guns, snubbing street urchins playing musical instruments badly, attempting rough sex while wearing velcro anywhere on one’s outfit, and using an Epilady © anywhere at anytime on any location of the body.
Dang!! Busted on the Epilady thing! How about chewing of toenails at the supper table?
That’s just frigin’ gross, man…and yet, perhaps, a good source of indigestible protein and dietary fiber. ;)
Bonus!!
Somebody out there might be actually aroused by such an idea….*not me tho*
I believe there are a few additions in order - eating boogers-especially the bloody variety, smagma on crackershhhh, leaving skid marked skivvies on the bathroom floor inside out (well hey, I know “Skid Marks Happen” but no sense in advertising), pairing a greying and ugly to begin with bra with a spagetti strap tank top, never cleaning your ears with anything smaller than your elbow, removal of dentures to suck the stuck on food off (I've acutally witnessed this so don't think my imagination to grand), and, of course, farting under the bedcovers and then flapping them gleefully.
I've got that licking myself in public side-effect but I it had before reading this blog. I used to have the licking others in public too but I got over that one. I'm always amazed at how hard a 65 year old can hit. You expect it from the fit 20 and 30 somethings but crap I've had some blue haired little mommas knock me flat. You ever had your tongue stepped on? Hurts, man, let me tell you! They're good lickin' though. Ah, the good ol' days.
Oh yeah I did have that inverted forehead deal once. Just once, though. Thank Gawd.
Jeez I get compliments on my graying bra-spaghetti strap tank top combo all the time. I guess it's all in how you wear it. Gotta run, my uncontrollable spitting is starting up. Crap, I'm on the viscus side tonight too. Y'all be cool.
p.s. E buzz- Ovarian Hiccups made laugh out loud….You are the master…Everybody sing,
We built this City, We built this City on Rooooock and Roll. Yikes my keyboard's wet and sticky. Damned spitting. Tah-